She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize