This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
