We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
