You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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