the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
