it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
