no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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