dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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