Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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