Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
