I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
