Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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