He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
