uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
