I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
