My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
