If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
