The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
