Please, let me fuck your mom
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
