I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
