Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
