Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
