Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
