The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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