Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
