I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
