Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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