Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I AM VODKA MAN
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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