I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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