i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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