theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
