i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
