Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
