i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize