Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
3 2 1 whiskey
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
