I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize