How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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