Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
