i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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