your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
