Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
