Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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