New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
