I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
