Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
