Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were trust falling into bushes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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