i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
