just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
