Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
