omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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