last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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