Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michael Bay diarrhea
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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