My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have post one night stand depression
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
