you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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