OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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