eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You left your underwear on the fireplace
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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