No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
