Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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