guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
