just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
