that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
love makes seman taste better
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
