Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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