My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
