Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
