If i come over, it means nothing
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
