Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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