I'm so fucking centered right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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